Labor love letters bear resemblance to the heartfelt speeches exchanged on a couple's wedding day as part of their vows. These letters act as expressions between partners, reaffirming their love and dedication, articulating the profound positive influence they've had on each other's lives, and celebrating the joy of their presence. Similar to how wedding vows establish the foundation of a marriage, labor love letters foster a robust emotional connection, lasting feelings of well-being, and provide a source of comfort and strength during the unpredictable and often intense experience of labor. Initiating labor with these letters can be truly transformative, and we're here to guide you through the essentials of crafting them, optimal occasions for their use, and their invaluable potential in enhancing the experience!
Why labor love letters are important
Labor pushes each mother and new parent to their limits and beyond, revealing their true capabilities. This prepares them for the challenges they will face while raising a child. The well of courage discovered during labor becomes a resource that parents can draw from throughout their parenthood journey. However, reaching this level of courage alone is not easy. Pushing beyond our perceived limits and stepping into the unknown can be daunting. It is in these moments that a gentle reminder from our loved ones about our bravery and power becomes invaluable.
Labor love letters enable partners to express on paper all of these sentiments that encourage and uplift each other, ultimately leading to success. They serve as a reminder of the strength and resilience within, instilling confidence and fostering a sense of unity during labor and beyond. With labor love letters, partners can face the challenges together, knowing that their love and support will guide them through this transformative experience.
How labor love letters came to be
I am sure that we were not the first couple ever to do this, but writing letters and exchanging them was something unique and different that we tried the second time around for labor. For me personally, the experience with our first birth was really tough for both my husband and me. We left feeling really separate, dissatisfied, and a little scared. Naturally, I was feeling really nervous about the second birth experience because I had all these negative memories.
So I set to work to change that. I researched a lot. And in my research, I read a lot about affirmations and the law of attraction. (The law of attraction is the belief that positive or negative thoughts bring corresponding positive or negative experiences into a person's life.) So instead of focusing on what I didn't want to happen, I decided to focus on what I did want to happen, or what I really appreciated.
I applied this to the way I thought about birth. I skipped over episodes in my favorite TV show framing birth in a painful or dramatic way while I was pregnant. I read positive affirmations every day, and I went to sleep at night, envisioning a peaceful, uneventful labor with the most supportive partner. And finally, I decided that the most important and trusted person in my world, my husband, would be the perfect person to keep me safe and supported during labor.
A couple of weeks before labor, while I was reading and collecting more affirmations, it really hit me that he had his work cut out for him, and a feeling of deep appreciation for his willingness washed over me. I opened a new document on my computer, and I started writing about how grateful I was to him for being there for me. How supported I felt throughout my entire pregnancy, and that I loved the way he took care of me. I loved that he went out and got dinner to satisfy a craving and that he would get up with our daughter in the mornings so I could get some extra sleep. It hit me how much I needed and loved him, and I just wanted him to know. I knew I wouldn't be able to express it in the throws of labor, and I wanted him to go into labor with as much confidence and 'good vibes' as possible.
I finished it, printed it, and signed it. I forgot about it until a few weeks later, when it fell out of my notebook and my husband found it. "What's this?" he asked. I snatched it out of his hand, a little embarrassed, and sheepishly told him what it was. "Well, can I read it?" he asked. He had a smile on his face, clearly flattered that I had taken the time to write about him. "Not yet. I think it would be best to read it right before I go into labor or when I am in labor. I want you to know how amazing you are, even if I cannot say it while I'm in labor," I said. I talked quietly because I hadn't planned this out. I was making it all up as I went. But he nodded in agreement. "I think you should write one too. It can be like when we said our wedding vows to each other. We can remind each other how much we love each other and how much we are a team. I would love to hear that before I go into labor. I think it would help," I said.
My wonderful, cooperative husband agreed and wrote a letter. Labor began, we read our letters, we hugged, we cried, and my heart felt like it would burst. I went into labor feeling so confident and loved. It was the best way to kick it off. And our second labor overall, though it was longer and harder, was one of my favorite memories with my husband. I still look at it with so much fondness, and I loved our labor love letters.
Anecdotally, labor love letters were a very positive and powerful tool for us, and they absolutely helped create a wonderful birthing experience.
The positive effects that labor letters can have
Kind, positive, and affirming words have a remarkable power. They have the ability to elevate us, making us feel superhuman. When we hear that we are connected and not alone, it enables us to achieve more than we ever thought possible. Reflect on those cherished moments when family and friends showed up in your life, causing your heart to swell from within. Remember the cheers as you walked the stage at graduation or the support you felt as you ran past them during a race? Perhaps their encouragement helped you achieve your personal best in a game or simply made a challenging experience more enjoyable. Just like these transformative moments, labor love letters and words of affirmation can truly shape the labor experience into something positive and empowering.
I detailed my entire labor experience and why having my loving husband by my side made my birth so positive. I recommend giving it a read!
Studies have shown that even a mere 17 seconds of focused attention on positive thoughts can shift our state of mind. There are no true studies on the effects of labor love letters because they are the newest labor coping mechanism out there. However, using the data we know about love and bonded human connection, we can speculate that by reading labor love letters, partners can tap into the power of kind, positive, and affirming words to create a sense of connection and support during the labor process. This can help decrease the perception of pain and increase feelings of well-being.
The science behind wellbeing and positive emotions
While there may be no studies on the effects of the labor of love letters yet, there is proof that writing meaningful letters and reading them to other people can greatly increase feelings of wellbeing.
Janice Kaplan's book, "The Gratitude Diaries," is a must-read for anyone looking to increase their overall wellbeing and outlook on life. In the book, she recounts her conversations with Martin Seligman, a renowned professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania who runs the Positive Psychology Center. In her book, Janice recounted her conversations with Martin about a key finding from his early research: that doing one thing was among the most beneficial—a gratitude visit.
This simple practice, where individuals express their appreciation and thanks to someone who has made a positive impact in their lives, yielded remarkable results in promoting well-being and enhancing positive emotions. The person writes a letter of at least 300 words about all the things they are grateful for regarding the person the letter is dedicated to. Then, they read the letter aloud to the person it is dedicated to, uninterrupted.
Sound familiar? This is very similar to the speeches people make to each other on their wedding day as part of their wedding vows! No wonder this practice has been such an important part of our culture for centuries. It feels good to tell other people how much they mean to us!
Martin Seligman also found that the person writing the letter will be less depressed and feel more positive feelings for up to a month after reading the letter.
Who should write a labor love letter?
Labor love letters work best when they are reciprocal, meaning the two parties most involved in the birthing process should write letters to each other, encouraging lasting positive feelings in both parties. However, Martin Seligman's research (above) shows that an individual can experience the positive effects of writing their own letter and reading it to their partner, even without reciprocation.
The most likely candidates for writing labor love letters are fathers and mothers who will be embarking on the labor journey together. However, a labor love letter could also be used as a tool for anyone looking to improve feelings of wellbeing, especially as the arrival of new family members draws closer. Grandparents, sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers, friends, aunts, and uncles are all welcome to write heartfelt letters as well!
How to craft a labor love letter
Crafting a labor love letter involves envisioning the labor process and expressing your intentions, desires, and unwavering commitment to each other. At the core of these letters, there should be vows to stick together through thick and thin through all of life's transformative experiences, especially childbirth and parenthood.
Step One: Discuss and agree to write labor love letters with your partner or birth partner. If you are both on board, set a date to complete the letters. We recommend completing them at least two months before your due date to ensure that the letters are ready to use.
Step Two: Gather inspiration. If you have ever written your own wedding vows, think about that experience, or even take a look on the internet at examples of wedding vows. You might also think back on fond memories you've had together, imagine your beautiful future as a family, or even think back to the moment you knew you were in love with your partner. These are great for getting some inspiration. Most importantly, give voice to all of the wonderful things for which you are grateful and express your gratitude for all of the positive ways they have impacted your life.
Step Three: Find a medium to write in. This could be paper and pen, it could be a Google Doc, it could be a voice note, it could be writing it down on your phone, or it could be a text message. Wherever you choose to put your labor letter, ensure it is safe. Write your letter, a few sentences to a few paragraphs long, to your partner. You can use our Labor Love Letter Templates to help you construct your own beautiful letter.
Step Four: Date your letter with your baby's due date to commemorate the pregnancy and to reinforce the reason for writing these letters: labor and delivery that will bring your beautiful child into the world!
Step Five: Send or exchange your letters. You can read labor love letters at any time that feels right to you. Maybe you go out to dinner and then read them after you get home. Any way that you do it, prioritize giving those five minutes to give it your undivided attention. This means that if you have kids, work, or other distractions, you plan for a time when these things have subsided. Think of your labor love letters as micro-weddings. Though they take just five minutes or so to read, they are beautifully powerful and can give you a rush of good vibes, so give them the attention they deserve!
Examples of when to read your labor love letters:
Due Date Read: We have found that reading letters on a baby's due date can be really nice. This day is always filled with much anticipation and sometimes even disappointment if the baby does not arrive on this date. Reading love letters can be a nice way to bring some positivity to the day.
Labor Has Started Read: You can also read your letters when you suspect or know that labor has started. This is a great way to connect and to take a moment to slow down. No one is about to go through what you are going to go through together! Savor the moment!
Anytime: Don't limit yourself to reading them just once. If you read them once before labor, read them again when you go into labor. Come back to them as often as you like to keep the good vibes going! We know couples who have pinned them to the wall beside their desk to look at throughout the day!
Examples of what to say:
Labor love letters can be read before or during labor, helping to alleviate anxiety and provide a reminder of the love and partnership shared between the couple. While there is no one-size-fits-all approach, here are some examples to inspire your labor love letters:
Example 1 (Partner to a Laboring Mother):
“I know that this journey will be incredibly challenging. I want you to know that I will willingly embrace this challenge alongside you. You are never alone, and together we will navigate the highs and lows of labor. We are birthing not only our child but also our family. Thank you for choosing me as your partner in this beautiful journey. Thank you for making me a father. I still remember the day that I knew I loved you, and I am just as sure today as I was then. You are going to be an amazing mother, and I would not trust anyone else. I love you, and I will be right by your side, supporting and loving you every step of the way."
Example 2 (Laboring Mother to a Partner):
"In this sacred moment, as our child prepares to enter the world, I want you to know how grateful I am to have you by my side. Your unwavering love and support empower me to face the intensity of labor with strength and confidence. With you, I feel connected and secure, ready to embrace the challenges that lie ahead. Thank you for supporting me through this pregnancy. Thank you for all the snack runs and the back scratches. Together, we will create a lifetime of joy and love. Thank you for being my rock, my partner, and my greatest support. I love you."
Example 3 (Mother to a Daughter):
It has been one of the greatest privileges of my life to raise you and know you. I love having you in this world. It is brighter and warmer because you are in it. I have learned so much from you over the many years that you have lived. It has been a joy to watch your life unfold, and I cannot wait to see what this next chapter looks like for you. You are so brave, strong, creative, and beautiful. I love you with all of my heart. You can do this, and I will be there for you every single step of the way to watch over you and keep you safe. So many before you have walked this path, and now it is your turn. But you will not be alone. I am right here by your side, just as I always have and always will be. We will take this one breath at a time, and while we do, we will imagine holding a baby girl/boy in our arms, and he/she will be here before you know it!
You can download our Labor Love Letter Templates to create your own beautiful labor love letter to keep as a special memory from your labor and delivery journey!
Final Thoughts
Kind, positive, and affirming words hold remarkable power, elevating us and fostering a sense of connection. Their potential impact is evident in the intrinsic power of love and human connection we all know and recognize. Crafting reciprocal letters, partners can exchange intimate affirmations, highlighting their relationship's beauty and the journey ahead. Labor love letters become a source of strength, empowering couples to navigate the transformative experience of childbirth and parenthood together with love and grace, and we highly recommend using one during your labor and delivery!
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