This journey involves more than the anticipation of labor; it's a proactive path filled with learning, support, and preparation that spans each trimester, peaks during labor, and continues into the postpartum period. Employing a detailed checklist simplifies task management and ensures nothing is forgotten.
Welcome to the ultimate preparation checklist for dads. This guide acts as your all-encompassing roadmap, instilling knowledge, confidence, and a profound comprehension required to offer unparalleled support to your partner and newborn. Equipped with this checklist, you're set to navigate the complexities of pregnancy, securing your position as an indispensable support system throughout every stage.
First Trimester Tasks
In preparation for the journey ahead, every dad should familiarize himself with each trimester, labor, and postpartum care to fully support their partner through pregnancy and beyond.
Educate Yourself: Embark on your journey with "The Dad's Survival Guide" by diving into pregnancy books, reputable websites, and engaging in discussions with healthcare providers. Building a solid foundation of knowledge now will help you navigate the complexities of each trimester, labor, and the postpartum period.
Support Your Partner: The early stages can be challenging. Utilize your "Dads' Essential Survival Checklist" to remember to be there emotionally and physically. Your support during doctor’s appointments, mood swings, and morning sickness is invaluable.
Health and Wellness: Together, adopt healthy habits. Preparing nutritious meals, engaging in light exercise, and ensuring both of you get enough rest are crucial steps in this journey.
Look Out for Nausea: During pregnancy, a woman's body becomes highly sensitive to potential pathogens that could cause illness or harm the fetus, leading to heightened feelings of nausea. To support her, encourage the consumption of well-rounded, nutritious meals, and recommend eating multiple small meals throughout the day to mitigate these symptoms.
Choose a Health Care Provider: Keep this crucial point in mind: You are assembling a team to support you, your partner, and your family. Being present at the initial doctor's appointment is vital, as you should approach it as an opportunity to evaluate the team. Utilize this time to assess how focused and attentive they are to your partner's needs. Consider the amount of time they dedicate to you during the visit. Does the interaction make you feel at ease, or does it seem hurried? The quality of prenatal care is often a precursor to the type of support she will receive during labor. Building a network of supportive healthcare professionals is key to ensuring a positive and successful birthing experience. If the first healthcare provider you meet, likely her OBGYN, doesn't seem like the right fit, remember that it's perfectly acceptable to explore other options.
Attend Appointments: A dad or partner's role involves safeguarding the well-being of your pregnant partner, making attendance at prenatal appointments crucial. You serve as an additional listener, capable of grasping important details, posing significant questions, and guaranteeing that your partner feels emotionally bolstered. This support is invaluable, helping to alleviate the anxieties and uncertainties that the prospect of labor and childbirth may introduce.
Start Financial Planning: Pregnancy is a good time to review your finances, adjust budgets, and plan for upcoming expenses, including medical costs and maternity/paternity leave. Proactively contacting your insurance provider for an estimated cost of the birth, and beginning to budget for additional expenditures like diapers and baby clothing, is a prudent step. This step might also include discussing whether you will hire a professional doula to support you.
Second Trimester Tasks
Attend Birthing Classes: Now, the pregnancy feels more real. Attend birthing classes to prepare for upcoming trimesters, labor, and postpartum challenges. We highly recommend the "Supporting Her" birth classes. This is an "online class that teaches tips, techniques and actionable skills to help you take care of your partner and yourself during labor and birth." We also recommend Bridget Teyler's class, specifically designed for "giving women the tools, information, and confidence to love their pregnancy and birth."
Prepare the Nursery: Use this time to start organizing your baby’s space. Whether painting the nursery or assembling the crib, doing it together strengthens your partnership.
Plan Paternity Leave: While paternity leave may not be widely available in the United States, if you have access to it, make sure to take advantage of this benefit. In cases where paternity leave isn't an option, consider utilizing vacation days or negotiating an agreement with your employer for some time off. Aiming for at least two weeks away from work is advisable. During this period, your partner will be recovering and may need considerable support. Furthermore, this time allows you the opportunity for rest and rejuvenation, helping you to adjust to your new family dynamics. Planning and budgeting for this time off in advance is strongly encouraged to ensure you can fully embrace the early days with your newborn.
Increase Support at Home: Postpartum will introduce significant changes, including the arrival of a new family member with their own set of needs and desires. Taking on additional household tasks can help you and your partner maintain equilibrium amidst this new responsibility. It's common for many women to naturally assume a primary role in newborn care, given the deep biological and emotional connection formed during pregnancy. Infants, still adjusting to life outside the womb, often don't perceive themselves as distinct from their mothers initially. To facilitate a smoother transition, it's beneficial to start shifting responsibilities before the baby's arrival, ensuring you're not overwhelmed with new duties while also learning to care for your newborn.
Discuss Family Visits Post-Birth: Navigating family visits post-birth is tricky. Welcoming family is beneficial if they're supportive, but it can be overwhelming if not. Agree with your partner to delay visits for two weeks if needed. If supportive, invite them early on, ensuring they're there to assist, perhaps with chores or by bringing meals. Important discussions should include policies on spontaneous visits, baby handling, responding to the baby's cries, and a discreet signal for when it's time for guests to leave. It's vital to remember your partner may be dealing with physical discomfort and emotional changes during this time, emphasizing the need for supportive and understanding company.
Choose a Pediatrician: Whether covered by insurance or paid directly out-of-pocket, selecting a pediatrician is a critical decision. Approach this choice with the seriousness it warrants. Compatibility, up-to-date practices, and alignment with your parenting philosophy vary among practitioners. Begin your search by exploring Google reviews and seeking a practice that not only shares your values but also excels in customer service. This initial step is crucial for finding the right pediatric care for your child.
Discuss Expectations and Plans: Start discussions about your aspirations, concerns, and what you envision for the pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting journey. Talk about ways to mutually support one another. Pregnancy and labor might be among the initial instances where you both encounter the same event from completely different perspectives, unable to fully grasp each other's experiences. Effective communication is essential to connect your distinct experiences and navigate this path unitedly, despite not sharing the exact feelings your partner endures.
Third Trimester
Tackle Last Minute Tasks: Whether it’s installing the car seat or stocking up on essentials, now’s the time to ensure everything is ready.
Provide Emotional Support: Be the steadfast support your partner needs as you approach labor. Your role is crucial in providing comfort and reassurance during this emotionally taxing time. Back scratches, getting her favorite take out, and sympathizing with her growing discomfort can go a long way.
Finalize the Birth Plan: Consider reimagining a birth plan as "birth preferences," highlighting your desired outcomes. Engage in thorough discussions about both your preferences and how to navigate unforeseen circumstances. A key strategy for devising a flexible birth plan is to focus on the emotional atmosphere you aspire to maintain during labor, such as calmness, relaxation, and empowerment. As a dad, be vigilant for any shifts away from these emotions and ready to guide the experience back on track. A positive emotional state often enhances satisfaction, enjoyment, and strengthens bonding throughout the birth process.
Watch Positive Birthing Videos: Dads should also consider watching birthing videos. It's common for fathers to harbor fears about childbirth or the potential loss of their partner, often fueled by dramatic and frightening portrayals in movies and TV shows. However, childbirth is frequently more mundane and less alarming than depicted. Viewing positive birth stories can demystify the process, reassure you of your partner's safety, and bolster your confidence in facing any situation together. Additionally, familiarizing yourself with the stages of labor through these videos can enhance your ability to provide support.
Prepare for Labor: Familiarize yourself with the signs of labor and have a plan for getting to the hospital or birthing center. Practice the route and know where to park. We created a complete guide including top signs to look for in labor to tell you how she is feeling and enhance your supporting role as a dad. We definitely recommend checking it out to learn more!
Pack the Hospital Bag: Ensure the hospital bag is packed with essentials for both your partner and the baby, as well as items you might need. Seasoned dads will tell you to pack a pillow and blankets for yourself, snacks, water, and a special treat for her for when labor is over.
Install the Car Seat: Properly install the car seat in your vehicle ahead of time, and have it inspected at a car seat safety checkpoint if possible.
Stock Up on Supplies: Make sure you have all the essentials for the first few weeks postpartum, including groceries, baby supplies, and any items your partner may need for recovery. We highly recommend this postpartum recovery kit by Frida. The postpartum recovery kit has over 7,000 reviews and a 4.7 start rating.
Spend Quality Time Together: The arrival of a baby will change your relationship dynamic. Spend quality time with your partner, focusing on your relationship before the baby's arrival. Experts recommend a minimum of 90 minutes per week of uninterrupted time spend together doing an activity and communicating to keep relationships strong.
Having a Boy? Discuss and Research Elective Procedure of Circumcision: If you're planning a hospital birth, circumcision might be introduced as a standard procedure, yet it remains a choice. For those not contemplating circumcision for religious reasons—accounting for about half of Americans—it's crucial to research and determine if it aligns with your preferences and values.
Ask If Your Partner Feels Comfortable and Trusts Her Birth Team: Feeling secure and supported during labor is vital for a positive birth experience. Research indicates that women who feel safe and supported during childbirth tend to have more satisfying and safer outcomes. Regularly check in with your partner to ensure she feels comfortable with her birth team. Remember, you have the flexibility to change your care provider at any stage of the pregnancy if you're not satisfied with the level of care being provided.
Review and Check Everything: Your checklist should include double-checking the hospital bag and reviewing the birth plan. These preparations are crucial as you navigate closer to labor and the postpartum period.
During Labor
Be Your Partner’s Advocate: Understanding and communicating the birth plan is key. Offer physical comfort and handle logistics, allowing your partner to focus on the birthing process.
Know the Signs of Labor: Be familiar with early signs of labor to help determine when it's time to go to the hospital or birthing center.
Communicate with the Healthcare Team: Serve as the primary communicator with nurses, midwives, and doctors, especially if your partner is unable or prefers not to.
Advocate for Your Partner's Wishes: Remember the birth plan and advocate for your partner’s preferences during labor and delivery, ensuring her wishes are respected.
Provide Emotional Support: Offer words of encouragement, reassurance, and love. Your emotional support is invaluable during this intense time.
Offer Physical Comfort: Assist with comfort measures such as massage, positioning, applying heat or cold, and encouraging movement or walking.
Stay Calm and Focused: Your partner will look to you for strength and calmness. Maintain a composed demeanor to help them stay relaxed and focused.
Keep Track of Important Information: Note the times of contractions, any medications given, and responses from the healthcare team, especially during long labors.
Hydrate and Nourish: Ensure both you and your partner stay hydrated and, if allowed, provide light snacks for energy during early labor.
Capture the Moment: If your partner wishes, take photos or videos of the birth to capture these first moments of your baby's life.
Support Immediate Bonding: Encourage skin-to-skin contact between mother and baby right after birth, if possible, and be prepared to hold your baby skin-to-skin as well.
Communicate with Family and Friends: Update interested parties based on the wishes of your partner, managing communication so they can focus on labor.
Be Ready for Plan Changes: Labor can be unpredictable. Be flexible and support your partner if plans need to change. Remind her that a beautiful birth is about the way you feel, not the things that happen. Focus on helping her to feel safe, loved, supported, and secure for the best results.
Prepare for the First Feeding: Support your partner during the baby's first attempts at breastfeeding or bottle-feeding, helping as needed.
Celebrate the Moment: Take a moment to celebrate together the arrival of your new baby, recognizing the incredible journey you've both undertaken.
Pro Tip: Wondering if you'll remember it all? You can get a checklist in a digital form so you can access it anytime, anywhere. Download the DudeDoula app today to access the pre-populated checklist, as well as add your own tasks. The app also offers labor and delivery support to make sure you don't forget a thing!
Postpartum Care
Adjusting to New Roles: This period is about embracing your new roles while maintaining the bond with your partner and newborn. Helping with feeding, taking on household chores, and being attentive to your partner’s emotional needs are part of the survival checklist for thriving in the postpartum period.
Assist with Baby Care: Change diapers, help with feeding sessions (including bottle-feeding if applicable), and soothe the baby to allow your partner some rest.
Manage Visits and Communication: Coordinate visits from family and friends, ensuring they come at convenient times and provide any needed support.
Handle Appointments: Keep track of and attend pediatric appointments with your partner and the baby, staying informed about the baby's health and development.
Offer Emotional Support: Be attentive to your partner’s mental health, offering support and encouraging discussions about her feelings.
Foster Bonding Time: Spend quality one-on-one time with your newborn to build your own bond, but don't be too hard on yourself if you don't feel it right away. Many dads love to put their partners first during this initial phase.
Encourage Self-care for Both: Promote and facilitate self-care activities for your partner, while also taking time for your own well-being.
Prepare Meals: Take on meal preparation duties or arrange for meal delivery to ensure you both have nutritious food without the stress of cooking.
Nighttime Support: Offer to share nighttime responsibilities, such as feeding and soothing the baby, to ensure both of you get as much rest as possible. If it's more convenient for your partner to do night time feedings, make sure you prioritize a good nights sleep so you can take the baby in the morning to let you partner catch up on some rest. Each family has its own unique way of handling postpartum nightly feedings!
Plan for Financial Adjustments: Review and adjust your budget to account for new expenses associated with caring for a newborn.
Communicate and Check-in: Maintain open lines of communication with your partner about how you're both coping and adjusting to your new roles. Aim to have these conversations when you are both as rested as possible. That means steering clear of bringing up explosive topics in the evening, or just before bed. We also recommend talking about your feelings without diving into the solutions. Talk about how you feel, and then come to a solution together. This strategy becomes essential throughout parenthood because you may be experiencing wildly different things, and need to hear each other out to find a middle ground you both feel good about.
Conclusion
Fatherhood is an adventure and a challenge. With our extensive "Dad's Survival Checklist," you're equipped not just to survive but to thrive through each trimester, labor, and the postpartum period. Welcome to this remarkable journey.
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